A Letter from the Prison Cell.
When I write to you, during this time of crisis, there is only one person, who I stand with. And that’s Jesus. I don’t know the amount of tribulation around me but I am determined to tread this path, for, I know when I walk through this fire, I will no longer be an alien to this world.
There was a strange question asked to me by one of the believer today. “What do you want to do, for, you now know what is inside you?”
The battle that I face everyday is painful. For with no word of encouragement from anywhere, the government and bureaucrats continuing their fierce battle. I now choose to perish in his name, if he wants me to.
I also stand to realize that there was so much agony and pain inside me which I carried for too long. There were constant taunts, nagging, gossiping and the reminders of calling my decision of quitting my job as “foolish” in times of recession.
“Test me” said the Lord. And here I am now often wondering who is testing whom?
I did eat bites of food today at mother’s place. And it is Sabbath today. I knew the mistake I was about to make. For Lord my GOD, how could I deny the food which my GOD had served me with much longing. I see pain in my parents eyes for they continue to hope to see their daughter being married and settling away happily with the King. I spoke to my father and did ask him to read my heart.
What was the penalty? My bike was towed away yet again by the cops, for anything in or around the NO PARKING zone, would be towed away. I wonder, I am hurt beyond words. For, what kind of land do I live in Oh! GOD. Can’t I ride a “white Horse”, my old two wheeler, with my hair let down, on the streets without being watched by eyes of intentions? Couldn’t I experience the breeze touching me, the open sky, the path of your and carrying the pride of inventions of your children. Why were there so many rules imposed? And everything is being compromised with bribery?
A greeting card and a cricket bat, and few minutes is all I intended outside the prison, but no body, not even Christ is spared.
Sabbath also brought a new dawn into my heart. My friend “peter” was on the path of putting “lust” ahead of love. Peter was beautiful in heart and to look at. Her eyes, her smile, her sheer zeal of life was over powering in the crowd she stood.
But I saw, she was entering into the land very similar to that of mine. I had the choice to either to be silent or act quick. “Peter” stood naked in her soul confessing about the ‘crap’ things they had spoken and how they ended up smooching each other.
“How difficult is it to have sex and explore each other’s zone?” I thought. Not too difficult especially in the brewing culture of the fast paced life today. She sounded so excited about her new guy. And her heart was leaping with joy in abundance. I ‘listened’ without interrupting her. And I later gossiped with my King .
Don’t we all do the same thing? Something was different this time. The Holy Spirit had consumed me. And I just could not allow “Peter” to slip away into darkness, the pit and trap laid by Satan. But to make her understand, the only option I had, was sharing my own mistakes. Thankfully my mother grace’s talk in the morning had prepared me for this situation. And GOD is super natural ,for, I was informed in advance about the situation. I broke down the mistakes of my life in past, the end where it leads to as I knew THE END. Being a believer of GOD, hadn’t I also placed lust before love. But, the grace of Almighty, and his mercy on me, had now given me wisdom. What use of his wisdom, if I don’t believe in building the Kingdom of GOD around me?
“Sin” is easy. But holding your head high in the midst of temptations and coming out of the fire is the “PRIDE” of a true believer. Ahh… now I understood the difference between the two different strokes of vanity. “Vanity” in sin is very different from “pride” in GOD.
I would rather choose the latter.
Strange I had to yet again sell away another jewel for the money would go to my regular rent to my dad and the extra monthly pocket money to my mother. They still had no clue about my job abandoned at a Multinational company. My King helped me with whatever he could. And trust me, the obstacle like these was pushing me on vengeance and determination to reach my destiny. For, that was the promise given to me by my father himself and no matter what; I would not succumb to Satan, even if I perish.
The King’s talks was rude and empty. Also were his hurts of abuses. But, I found him to be helpless in the hands of GOD. For, wasn’t he also the key witness to all the miracles? But I did notice that his ego and his denial was making my path tougher. I prayed hard. And more often, I offered him with my direct truth. For truth cannot be made fancy and tailored. He was anointed to be a King . And I held on for Abba, my beloved had assured me that he would be in him.
“Preaching” I was destined to do. And I could become the pastor, the world leader, Jesus from where I was. So I wrote the answer.
“What is inside you?” I knew the answer was Holy Spirit.
“What do you want to become?”
Future leader, pastor a church. I am going to be in business and will make billions of money. And the money that I make will be invested to preach the gospel across the world. I am going to make a difference and a true difference, by going and meeting thousands and millions and billions of them and tell and share my story of how GOD uplifted me. My story of 2000 years old to be told, retold only to bring every cell, scattered seeds of my father back to where they belong to. Heaven, I want to be a WORLD LEADER, in his name. Everybody, whom I knew, I loved had laughed while I had pleaded and my soul shattered.
When every soul, when every cell looks impossible when my dream looks impossible, I want to live the dream, you gave me.
GOD, I want to serve in your name. I want to be fearless, joyful and happy when I bring your name onto my lips. Can I scream to the WORLD YOUR NAME?
And preach and live the life that you put in my heart.
I yet again had reached an all time low. For this morning, I had sent a message to my elder brother, that he had a command from GOD that he should be serving, giving free health medical support be serving, giving free health medical support to the poor yet the angels of GOD around my area. But, my elder brother was judgmental about me. For, I had taken away a lot of love and partial love and sympathy and my attention from my parents. He didn’t reply. And it hurt me deep. For I still failed to understand why he despised me every time when I wanted to get close to him. I was treated “sexually” by my own brother, with the touch of intention while he was growing up. And I was too small to understand. The trauma though was deep. Then, the ultimate happened.
I wailed, I wailed because I had to let go, forgive and respect him for that was the word of GOD and GOD ripped me apart. He yet again showed me and healed and helped me and had created a movement. The movement which was about to change the world.
And one after the other in few hours’ people, my friends called and I was finding myself to talk about GOD and end times.
I was careful not to use the word “Jesus” for gentiles never could come close to GOD in the name of Jesus. And I chose to win the world, and crated followers and believers of men. And nope, I want getting biblical though it was difficult not to.
But I noticed words flowed effortlessly. And once again, despite despise from the King, I spoke strong. “As I said, even if I perish in his name, I will follow him the Lord. And I will finish the work which I started.”
My spirit touched me and my community and now was bridging the gap. The joy to stand by GOD was indeed ‘alien” in the circumstances and the gentile country I was in.
The seed in me had now grown into a full fledged tree. And I was not born to stop half way. And hey! I yet again was receiving the message, the word from my channel. And I noticed that we moved the world together. Every word, every action the movement moved together. For, the spirit of Lord was on every single soul of His.
The journey I understood was s prophetic act. But I knew, it was worth the effort to rather save souls than let them perish, focusing on waiting for the right time and wait till the end of completing the book.
I also kept aside 1000 to plant the pine tree in the land of Israel. For it was meant not to be desolate and deserted but an Oasis.
SECOND COMING THE NEW TESTAMENT
THE PRAYER MOVEMENT HAD BEGUN. HEAVEN IS CREATED!
I poured out the old wine or rum or brandy, I don’t even remember what did I pour into my cup, for I did it on his command. Yet another call from one of my friends whose sister who had set out to be an entrepreneur was now penalized and was undergoing a trail. My friend constantly pleaded that her sister was innocent and that now they had to shell out huge amount of money to now get her out on bail. The trail had struck the entire family. I had no money to offer in great numbers, but I had the heart of GOD to comfort her pain.
Yet again, I told her it was GOD’s trail that was on the family. For I knew how the parents had chased the hunger and greed for money and today, the younger sister was being persecuted for the sins for the sins previous generation. I had known this family form more than 15 years now. And my friend was always looked down upon by her own parents for she was not a successful of her instant money making machine sister. I constantly had counseled her that her success, her heart her efforts will always keep her on track. But this call was different. It wasn’t just words of comfort and hope, but words of experience and my father just came effortlessly on my lips.
I had to yet again share my story of having quit the job in March. Zapped and worried she was but I slowly supported my reason. For, I did tell her, I had to cleanse my own sins that of my fore fathers, the 11 page suicide message of my uncle in heaven, the end times and I prophesizing. And I was prophesizing what my father asked me to. We spoke for 20 minutes, but I knew at the end of the day, I had saved souls and I found immense satisfaction, serenity in my own soul.
I started recording each detail for that day on command from grace. “Time is short and the Lord had commissioned us and go we must. For our children needed a life long commitment for a vibrant dynamic life. Healing was required for every soul. And I will build my church. I knew I will.”
By the time the King arrived I recalled how aggressive I had started my day, announcing and praising my Lord GOD.I remember how, out of anguish and challenging the Satan, I had spit at him. Fear and bowing down I denied for I cannot sever anybody other than my father.
It was Sabbath you remember and I pulled couple of drags.
I was beyond control and my head, my heart, my soul, the vibes, the words, everything was being flooded in the spirit of GOD.
I ran near the wash basin throwing up every grain that I had consumed at Jerusalem, my mother’s house. And I wailed so loudly that I had never experienced before holding onto the (“plumb line”) tap, I announced my mission of life in front of the King . He said “I will ditch you” I said, “Yes you may. But I have decided to walk in the name of my father. I want to take this message across. I am starting and serving from the area denied. My maid’s house and surroundings will I start off. And kids in school will listen. I am going to become a world leader. And please let me do it my King. For didn’t your grandmother also into a similar kind of a social service, then why not I ?” the King blabbered away couple of words by the Satan, but his heart and actions were louder. He kept stroking his hand on my back and I rebuked, puked, yet again telling him, that it was a result of having had food outside o the day of Sabbath.
I don’t know how many times I threw up rushing to different places, but I kept his name chanting on my lips. It brought me joy, happiness, pride and grit determination to not stop praising my father I lay. And I saw the Satan. “Lucifer” I identified for the first time. And “Jesus” I saw on the other end. Spiritual battle is tough my children. For to the world of man, your eyes cant see. I saw a small light, which emerged out of the temporary tube light. And that small spec of light was not flickering I sought strength from it and I knew even if death encompassed me, I will not leave the word of my father. Sleep was not closer to me. The pain of judgement nailed me. And he had come to give my judgement I kept calling onto his name “Jesus”, “Jesus”, “I am not going to leave you. Even if you put me to death a zillions times, I shall not leave you.”
The Satan constantly spoke about MY suffering and which was inflicted upon me by the GOD. Satan is foolish had he, still hopes that HE stands a chance to win IMPOSSIBLE. For its only truth that should and will make the IMPOSSIBLE to possible. I smiled and as my father had commanded me, I chose to advice Satan. He cried and asked me to fill his hungry stomach.
“Go devour the flesh who walk in your ways, go to the pigs and fowls which people devour on their blood. My father says, that I shall enter into his Kingdom. Burn their flesh for they carry the sin of silent tears and sufferings of the children of GOD. The purification process was through HELL and HEAVEN were created on the command of my father.
It was 11.50PM. And GOD showed to me that I was to put up the battle till 2:10 PM. The Lord commanded. When a minute more longer seemed difficult in the battle, wouldn’t 2:10 be a mountain of hope. Trala! I sang, I sang, I sang that even Satan went berserk with my laughter, tears and smile. Not one of my nerves moved but I would not give up.
The King, I had asked him to leave early. For I feared for his life. I kept singing and I knew, even if I perish. I chose to die in the name of GOD, my GOD, your GOD, JESUS.
When I woke up in the morning I climbed up the stairs and I saw the mighty eagle resting. Note it was RESTING. So near to me. I had always seen eagles soaring in the storm day and in at all my sights, always BUSY. But the eagle strangely seemed relaxed. I opened my Bible, read verse from Isaiah verse 66, “Judgment and Hope”. I knew that the promise of salvation was delivered.
My hands holding the silver chain trembled. And I saw stains on my shirt, the pearl which was locked in the cage (the dollar it was called). I opened all the four channels of water strangely the pipe would not let it flow down to the ground easily. I knew I could have easily washed using one channel of water from the tap.
But “INFINITE” was his blessing right? And its fun to have greed in goodness. I told him, “I don’t want the moment to pass away while I be like a miser. I giggled and hence I chose to open all the four. “May there be fresh water available to children of GOD, as far as they can drink for generations together.” And voila, the sun was bright in the sky. I turned around and lo! There was the moon too. Ahh… look how he has placed the burning sun on one end and the soothing moon on the other. Just like our souls. Fire and water together. But soon they shall become “ONE” for a brief moment, for , the eclipse was nearing.
I cooked break fast, lunch and read news about 30,000 people now being infected with Swine Flu, said one. Due to the constant outpour in the city, doctors were now fore seeing an outbreak of various hinds of diseases. “People of sin, shall be consumed and my beloved,” continued Lord GOD. “Hold on to the wilderness for a little more longer, EVEN in the DAY… Even in the day”. I had to oblige my angels’ words from heaven.
The King’s words on the phone comforted. “I still saw him in the deep pit. Three of us, will be delivered with the mighty hand of fourth”. I said to myself. Everybody will know, every seed of GOD will know the words of Lord my Almighty, for I am his bride. And I will walk the walk and not just talk the talk.
“I will walk the walk and not just talk the talk.”
The kids are now playing PS2 and ask me with innocence, “Did you get back your bike?” and I smiled. They had seen me crying hopelessly yesterday. And they loved me unconditionally. It’s easy to be a kid. It’s tough to be a kid when you grow for the wise always say “MATURE”.
Yep, the journey had indeed transitioned from a child of GOD to a man of GOD. But you don’t have to kill the “child” for, it will always be there along with man.
You still can be a KID and a WORLD LEADER. And I love that deadly combination.
“YOU HAVE PASSED the test” declared the angel. The Lord GOD has your name written on both of his palms. HE LOVES YOU.
Did you read that, “HE LOVES YOU”
Also she said, “WE love you”
WE love you. Yes, I am Waiting, I am waiting to meet the world which my father built for his children to live in. THE PLANET, THE PARADISE.
How can I not be immersed and drowned in the flood of goodness of water of Lord. THE FLOOD, the flood. And Noah’s are had survived the flood. It had survived the Flood.
I have lived. We have survived. And we will “rejoice” in the story of the living GOD. Ahh.. My fingers strain, but hey, my mouth blabbers his word and my prince often says, “Mom! Enough. How much you speak… AIYOO..”
“YAHOO! I cheer. For I will keep doing it till every soul admits the MIGHTY presence of OUR LORD and bow down their ego and admit to the word of supreme.”
“Ahh.. My soul feels great! Great?” “GREAT!!” I told myself. I remembered having lowered by soul, deep, deep, deep to be submerged in the flood, the mighty waters. (Spiritual war, so, you would be able to see. But your heart is where the Lord resides).
And on each passing of the tide, I knew there was no sin anymore in me. For my father had made my SOUL “spot less”.” SPOT LESS”. It shown bright. It felt Happy. I would rather be remembered by generations together for my story than just being a manager, working for 30 years, labouring for pennies and then passing away. Unable to impress anybody around nor people bothered about my coming and going.
Yes, This was the second coming. That had failed 2000 years ago. THIS was the day of Lord for me, EVEN in the day.When I end this, the rest will be history.
Born in the USA, I was
Born in the USA
Born in Africa, I was
Born in Africa
Born in Europe, I was
Born in Europe
Born in Asia, I was
Born in Asia
Born in Australia, I was
Born in Australia
Born in the word of GOD, I was
Born in the word of GOD.
My kids can’t escape from my song of LOVE! They simply will fall in love with me and my father for the story he wrote and ofcourse for the best WOMAN I was…………
Can you listen the music I play…?
A WOMAN HAD A Man In her. And a man is incomplete without a Woman. For he lies deeply “trapped” in her love! Wow! What a word to coin?
“WOMAN” and when they come together as “HUMAN”
They WILL be welcomed and embraced to the Kingdom of “HEAVEN”!!!
May the word of my Lord be eternal for the gates of HEAVEN are now thrown open to all his children in any age you are, in any form you are in any being
You are for HIS children shall always remain HIS. And every scattered seed from the uttermost parts of the world was and will be gathered for ETERNAL.
I opened the book, “Our world, learn all about the world we live in” and showed the pictures explaining who Abba was, how was he in the new form and how he had created the beautiful planet Earth. There were 91 pages of explanations. The last 2 pages were the punishment declared to the people who had kept sinning, but had been saved for, they had kneeled and screamed and begged Lord GOD for mercy, 91 pages.
9 was consumed by Satan, for he was commanded to clean the Earth. This was the spiritual explanation. But the physical expression was different. I was narrating the story to the friends of my prince. But the prince continued with his PS2. He chose to stay out of the story. He was rude. His expression said it all. And once I completed the story, my kids loved it. Ahh.. how well I showed them and I rejoiced with them listening to the words coming out from my mouth. And once we went back in the area of living room, my prince was consumed with jealousy. And “pat “, I hit him hard on his back and commanded “Satan” to leave. For were they not quarrelling amongst themselves, “How does Satan look yeah?” “You are Satan”…. He! He! “No, you are Satan”… you should be able to analyse, when you are attacked by Satan. Don’t spare him. Break his bone. Spit at him every time you are tempted with sin. The kids were stunned. I told them, this is how Satan looks and this is how Satan is beaten by GOD, every single time. Mark my words. Every single time.
My prince went into the room. Humiliated, furious. But I chose to burn him, for a few minutes. I went inside the room back again, for nurturing immediately is important. And I explained “My dearest, prince. The times we are living in is extremely dangerous. And me and you need to be strong. And please believe me, we just cannot allow Satan to attack us. See, when you felt angry and jealous, how did your react? Does GOD teach you to be angry and jealous? No! So when you feel something which you are doing is creating a rift, then you need to know, it’s the Devil, the monster who is waiting to attack you. At such times, immediately get your focus back to GOD. And every time you get the focus back to GOD, you would WIN. Did you listen?
Whenever you get your focus back to GOD, victory is yours. You are born to be the greatest leader that world will witness. My job as a mother is to train you, and I will do it my prince. For, in the future when you grow up, you would no longer be like “all the other people”, you will be leading in Science and Technology, witnessing UFO’s interacting with “friends” from outer space and you will be the “BEN 10” people.
Kids are beautiful. And they listen and they believe. Adults are beautiful. And they listen, they deny, they succumb, they cry, they seek, they understand and then they believe.
They are eager and open and more accepting about GOD and his super natural powers. They were in joyous mood, very soon and the story of Abba, his might, how he looks just floored them. I had found my first set of converted disciples. “Aunty, look at the cloud. It’s beautiful!!” and when we went upstairs to look at the sky, it reminded me of Armageddon. Truly I was seeing the clouds thick and extended mightily. Like the ranges of the mountains of Himalayas. The sight was breath taking .
That night, I remembered a friend of mine, who was gay, but had married and had two children. He often complained with few other friends of mine about the wife and his tragedies. My friend was very good at heart. But his eyes always spoke pain displaying his discontented joy. I asked GOD, “How should they seek you GOD?” His wife really liked him. And he fulfilled all the duties of being a good husband and a son and a father. But he had hidden his “gay” friends and inclination towards men in dark. I often heard from the other friends that he would often go out of station, citing reasons, of meeting and then fulfill his desire. Aren’t most of my brothers caught in the same turmoil? It is difficult and must be painful.
Just then, I saw, one hour program on TV about Transgender, homosexuals, lesbian partners and their lifestyle, the operations, their acceptance and more often their rejection in the society. One thing remained common in each soul I witnessed. The long lasting, deeply etched “PAIN”. Who else better than me can understand the pain? You know, when I had been married, I had just completed 21. And I had a very unfulfilled sex life. The act was boring. And very predictable. And it would not last beyond a minute. More often, I would count, “1, 2, 3, 4…’ it would be over by 50 seconds.
Often, there would be tears flowing out from the corner of the eyes, but the doer, would never notice. I struggled with burning desire. And often, even a shower in cold water would not help. And that is when, I found “Women to be more attractive” than a Man. And strangely, I used to speak to GOD to show me a few “steamy” clips of women, so that I could masturbate and take my frustration. Yes, it did help me for sometime, but very soon, I would end up with tears, half way through for I knew, something inside me was not right. I remember reading umpteen articles on the net, articles in the paper, talks with colleagues,… nothing helped. I had puked, when I had seen the first X – rated porn. For I saw, one woman being laid with midst of men, “animal’ they were. And each person devoured and wanting and pouncing on her to satisfy their lust. I had broken the CD into two pieces and had thrown it at my husbands face. “Don’t you like the way I am ?” I had screamed in agony. “Why do you need all this?” what is wrong in me?” I wailed. “Eunuch’s are much better than you”, I thought. For atleast, they admit they are one. But my husband would not react. A stone he was. He chose NOT to react to any of my feelings, my talks.
There were couple of incidents in my first marriage that had marred my life. The scars were deep. I remember, my husband, his brother and his fried looking at the pictures which we had clicked using the new camera. I had just served them with dinner and washing up utensils, when I heard his brother telling, “Your wife’s breast are so small”. And they laughed. The insecurity of being thin always hunted me. Oh! How often my mother, used to comment on the size of my breasts, when I was growing up and was in my teens. And here I was standing helpless when the conversation was happening. And my husband chose to be included in the conversation.
“Who the hell are they to comment at my breasts? Can’t you shout at them, when they are humiliating your wife? They are talking about the anatomy of the parts of your wife. How can you be silent?” Lashed had I. But the night long cry had killed my soul.
“Love marriage” it was. I had decided to get married to the first man, whom I loved. The gap of 2 years before the marriage had clearly shown the gap between us. We were incompatible. I watched X-files, he watch family drama, I built my career, he quit job, I was a lamb turning into lion, he was a lamb and chose to ignore his own failures and admit them over a period of years, the gap was way too big to bridge.
I often prayed, “Please get my husband to leave me. Let him get married and find somebody else. So that we can part ways”. I desperately wanted to leave him.
I had conceived when I was 22. Delivered I my son, without any labour, pain I remember. Not a word of pain came out my lips even during the terrible cramps and during the final act of delivery. “Pain” I chose to gulp it. My husband was not there when I was in labour. He chose to be out. Neither was I pampered with any good food. For “POVERTY” had laid its hands strong.
I learnt how to bathe my little son, to take came of him. This was the first time, like everybody else. I used to despise the fact that my husband used to come everyday to my mom’s place to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday of my stay. And my parents, served him. My dad never respected him and my brother chose to ignore him. It was my mother, who still dished out food and never failed in her hospitality always Godly.
I wanted to go back to my husband’s place as soon as possible. Because I knew my husband was not respected. And they had never approved my decision of getting married to him. But even before I had known, I was caught up in this relationship physically with anybody else. And I didn’t want to be with anybody else. The essence of “loyalty” was high. So, I went back, when my prince was two months old.
The day I went back he was glad my bleeding had stopped. And it was an “expected” and “accepted” act for me. “1, 2, 3, …” and 50. the act was done. I knew, I was in deep pit. I had thought, bringing a child into the world would save our marriage. But it was a decision that didn’t help.
My son was the apple of my eye. Many a times when he cried, I didn’t know whether he cried because of hunger or fever. But Lord Almighty has always been there for me. He helped me out in the worst situation.
My son, when 10 months old, had the first attack of epilepsy. I was at home, along with another cousin of my husband. She and I had gelled well as we were of the same age. And I used to help her with her studies. And also, she had the same complex as I had. “Small breasts and thin”. Our insecurities blended.
The neighbours in the ground floor, very affluent, but were kind. The wife often empathized with me, especially when I had sat on the stairs, unable to climb the 62 more during my pregnancy. While my husband, who had just then come in, whined about the lunch not being prepared, she chose to empathize with the 8 month old pregnant. I ran to her for help. And she asked her husband to take the car out and rush to the hospital. My son was turning blue. And I was holding him tight. At no cost could I allow my son to die. And just in time, oxygen was given to him. “neighbours, one of best neighbours thankfully”, I thought.
Later came my brother and my parents. And my husband was out of station that day. That incident had shook me deep. For strangely, I had become very lonely in life by then. Few more attacks followed and every time I was alone. Unable to meet the high expensive scans and treatments, I resorted to ancient medicine practice like homeopathy. The pills were tiny and sweet. And the doctor was a gentleman. He practiced to help poor like me and charged phenomenally less, when compared to others.
Things at home were beyond control. Business in computers wasn’t working out for my husband. And the greed to make few bucks had landed him behind bars. A few phone calls here and there didn’t help. And I prayed hard day and night, GOD helped.
With my insecurities reaching stars though being educated and having a qualified degree, I felt strangely out of place. All my college friends had a great start, single and a strong career and I didn’t have the confidence, neither the belief, that I could also find a job. I chose to work as a teacher for a time of six months, by which I had conceived. That was the only experience I carried. The amount was meager but the joy of moulding kids made a huge impact on my soul. I loved them, trained them, danced with them, played with them and I was their teacher and they my students.
The same old, good, “Dark lady” of U.S, with her chat show, had given me the courage that I indeed was doing the good job. I still loved her shows.
Mind you, I chose to remain silent and hid my story till then. Not a single soul knew. Neither did I want to share it with anybody. Not even my husband. I could never gather enough courage to tell him that I want satisfied. For, I didn’t know what was meant by “satisfaction”.
“Computer Science” was the degree that held. And during my college days, I was busy with dating my husband, getting married and planning to settle down happily with my loved one. I remember telling my mother when I was 12 years old. “Mummy, I am never going to work like you. I will get married to a man who can take care of me….”.
My mother was my closest friend, till I actually had fallen in love with my husband, at the age of 18. Till then, she could sense and know everything happening in my life. I remember sharing with her the story of this classmate who was madly infatuated to me. When he had sent across his message through my girl gang and my brother, I was worried. Ahh.. Teen is beautiful. Raging hormones, growing body, it almost seems difficult to not fall in love with yourself. I loved to stand in front of the mirror admiring my pretty face and I loved every inch of my body. Everything I love in school. My interests laid in everything. “Recitation”, “Debate”, “Running sprints”, “long jump”, “dance”, ‘singing”, “drama”, “vegetable carving”, “craft”, “essay”, “quiz”, “march past leader”, “class leader”, “teachers pet”, I loved the attention showered on me. And I scored 86% in my matriculation. Being a tom boy, I never hesitated to beat up boys, when they acted weird. But something changes in junior high school. Every girl I knew had a guy. And strangely I was out in the group. And each guy I looked at was going around with the girls whom I knew. And the ones that liked me, ‘eeks” I didn’t want them. I wanted to just hangout. without the gender bias. And I did that though having not found a guy, I cheered my class boys during the inter – class competitions. Ahh… cheering wit the loudest voice, building my team and knee length skirts, without the show of flesh. Neatly plaited hair, with ribbons, a shirt, a skirt, socks and shoes. Well, that’s how student dressed to schools. I loved the concept of uniforms. For we were all treated uniformly, without succumbing any pressure of wealth and riches.
I approached my mother telling her about this guy. I was afraid. I didn’t know what to do. And my mom was the only one, who could guide me right. Did I mention that it was my mom who had prepared me in advance about the science and facts about menstruation too? I could talk anything with her. And she related to me. Just like my best friend. When I told this, she advised me in the following way, “Go tell him, that me and you come to school to study. Our parents work hard to pay the fees. So, we should focus on studying and playing. And if we really are meant to love, GOD will help us meet when we grew up. As of now just don’t get into all these things.” My girl gang had laughed their guts out when I had promptly acted on it. “Stupid” they had called me. And few days later, the same guy, had found interest in the girl, who also was studying in my class.
Once I found myself falling in love with my husband, I was scared. Because he was a far off relative of my father. And in those days, people migrated from village and came to city to look for the job. They usually stayed in a room with 4-5 bachelors inside. Cooking and sharing the expenses. All the troop of bachelors were the relatives of my dad. And every Sunday, we had a get together. My mom’s cooking and hospitality brought a lot of guests at home. My mom, being a working women, laboured day and night. And her energy was always overflowing.
I had helplessly given in to my husband physically. And the sin that I did was deep to share it with her. And the sin brought happiness to me. All my college mates knew my husband. And though, I found him eyeing and lavishing porn, women, I could not step back from my commitment. For, my mom had always told me, the person whom you get married to should be the only one to savour you. Mentally, physically and spiritually. Against all odds, creating a ruckus at home, my doting parents had given into my wish. And I married, “my husband”. Written I had a letter to my dad, before getting married, that “Though I have hurt you dad, I want to stay happy and live a life just like them. A marriage of 25 years, my parents made me proud.”
Soon after my brother got married to his girl in college. And my sister- in –law perfectly blended into my mom’s family. They had opened their doors of love and soon the daughter was replaced with a new member in the family.
And I was alone. Everybody were busy. And nobody had time. And their joy, I didn’t want to ruin with my unhappiness. Pain laid deep.
I had to support the family. And being a teacher, want paying the family enough. My son was growing up and my husband was losing out. He had developed some kind of strange kind of boils on his penis. And I gave him the courage to go to the doctor, which he didn’t. Strangely, I found him coming home late, not being there for me or my son. And he became caught in the chase and race of making money easy, but never could. A business partnership along with friends he knew, want helping either.
I saw the advertisement in the paper for call centers, “Excellent communication skills in spoken English, a degree, willingness to work in night shift” it read “Maybe I can try” thought I being from an inter-caste marriage of my mother and my father, I strangely found out of place with my in-laws too. I loved them. Their village was beautiful. But were poverty stricken. Strangely, I found richness in them, but they didn’t accept me, just like they did to my mother. “But true hospitality always wins” thought I.
The guests always poured in huge numbers into our house . And amidst these, I was rehearsing the most commonly asked questions and the ideal answers asked in the interview. Oh! Boy, did I prepare just like the final examination. There was a deep sense of finding and longing in my soul as to where I stood.
And wearing the best dress I had, I went to the place, traveling all alone in the bus. It was the first time ever, I had stepped out alone. I had always been surrounded with people, joy and happiness, but today I had a million people around me, yet felt that I had one person along with me. MY HOPE IN GOD. I wanted to test, how well would I fare. After all being a teacher, and teaching kids about confidence, destiny, exploration, adventure, I wanted to see where would this take me. I spoke to my self. Books had become my friends by now. And most of the time it was borrowed for we always leant to share books rather than “BUY” books just because everybody else had.
The hall was filled with youngsters bubbling and having stepped into the outside world, where people of my age were venturing into career and money, I was here. A mother of two year old son. Each candidate was given a time frame of two minutes to introduce and the rounds of filtration came. My mouth and my brains were rehearsing the lines. And when my turn came, I spoke. They announced the first set of list, my name was there. Of the hundred people who had introduced themselves, I had made it in the first cult of 20. my name was there my joy knew no bounds. “I must have had something in me, I guess”, I told to myself. The company was an MNC. And one of the leading manufactures in computers. And the profile included to sell computers over the phone. Ten rounds and the final round with the big wigs shooting questions, my throat had almost dried. I had made it.
My job brought me salary from three digits to five digit number, ten thousand. Nobody had expected me to make it through the interview. I remember my dad having helped me the norms of customer and customer service. He had laboured in a watch factory, assembling and later promoted to the machine scion. “Customer is the King.
He is always right” that sentence earned me a job.
The new job demanded to work me in the night. And that also meant seeking support from my mother’s place. I had to leave my son. And they agreed. My husband used to drop him and pick him everyday. I missed my festival of lights but the company offered extra bonus those working on these days. Nobody missed me through a long period. The Christmas, the new year, the festival of harvest. Six months. And my body had given up. I used to cry every night when the cab used to me pick me up and drop me to the office. Even, my son did not miss me. I had missed his first speech, his run, his mischief, his love. And as long as the money flowed everybody seemed happy. Coming back in the morning, and being a gentile, I was supposed to cook for breakfast and then the lunch.
The maid was only to mop and wash the utensils. My mom had done all, even without the maid for more than 25 years. She too had rendered her service in the same watch factory like dad, but always miraculously finding time for kids. I was here, a failure in life, wondering where had I list the battle. Things tool the spiral downward turn. I didn’t even know how to use my own debit card in the ATM. But money and owning it was never I sought. Neither did I see it coming to me.
The depression was deep. Hence, I loved to talk to customers. Strange accent but I chose not to imitate them for I was gifted with “neutral accent” chuckled I. Slowly, I understood. When we intend to give the best to the customer the customer would appreciate. One can always find out genuineness when we truly try to connect to them and walk the extra mile, soon, I had found my name on the list of the bulletin board. My name was found in TOP 10. Thousands of employees and I had made it in that month. The joy was immense. And I quit the job.
I denied to submit a resignation letter. And I had quit it, just like that. I desperately wanted to be at home. I wanted to be with my family. It was a sudden jolt. And my husband urged me to go back. But my tears and my heart weighed me down heavily. “Doesn’t this man ever understand what I am going through?”
I found another job. A small consultant firm recruiting people for the call centers. Institutes like these had mushroomed all over. I was hired as a trainer, to help prepare candidates with English and the confidence and the skill sets required to get through the interview. Ahh… the job was awesome. Holding the attention of the candidates who come in teens was extremely challenging and fulfilling. And I had a fellow trainer, who had also joined the firm at the same time, having quit the position of a team leader, in a different call center. His mother had just then underwent a breast cancer surgery and I sensed pain in his eyes. He had the gift of intuition. And one fine day, when I was looking into the sky, I saw two eagles soaring. And he started the conversation, “How we wish, we can soar free and high in the sky like a bird? What bothers you girl? I see pain in your eyes. Do you have something to say?”
I looked at him. And for the first time in seven years, somebody had seen my heart and touched the chord of the soul. I broke down uncontrollably. And he heard my story, inside out. He slowly became my friend. He helped me to dress well, to speak well and I had deep affection for him and I sensed he had it to. He never touched me with intention and knew his boundaries. And always treated me with respect and dignity.
I chose to revolt. I took off the sacred chain, the covenant of marriage, did not want to worship GOD that lay in my house, for, I did not think they all were listening to me.
I had to walk the street filled with bustling crowd on the way to my consultancy. And there was a huge church. Never did I have the “want” or “desire’ to enter the church. Because, “Christianity” was limited to the religion of “Christian” only. But the mighty “cross’ on the church was something that attracted me. I prayed to him, often shamelessly. “Oh! Father, can I find a soul on this planet, a man, who is rich in love, wealth, intelligence, looks heart and should love me like a princess. He just should love me like crazy; can I get a man like that? How I wish?”… And day in, day out, I used to talk, walking by.
My friend’s mannerisms were however a little strange. He avoided me knowing the possibility of what lay ahead. The new few months of “no” payment from the consultant jolted my family. And after lodging a complain with the cops, finally I received 1/4th of the four months salary. And that too, my husband went abroad to venture into a crumbling business and the amount was blown up. And without a goal, plan, the business was doomed. Strange was his business. He started it all alone. Hired couple of them. Fired them and one of them left. For he was not very efficient in business.
I had completely, dissociated myself with my husband. When you don’t connect mentally and spiritually, how then could I associate with him physically? I remember the day I was lying on the bed running fever. And my husband, just having watched a “steamy” movie, came onto me. Made love and I was still. Tears trickling. It was broad day light and I lay there like a dead body.
I just didn’t know how to get out of the mess, I was into. Seven long years was too much of burden for me to handle. And only prayer helped me. And what a break through.
There was an interview call, for the requirement of a trainer. And me and my friend attended. I was selected. That day, I was in tears. For I didn’t know whether I was supposed to be joyous with pay package of 14,000/- or whether sad, because I knew how important the job was to my friend too. He too had his parents and brothers dependent on him. I joined the company.
And within couple of months, I had grown out of my insecurities as trainer. For, I found a trainer, “Nobel” who was a lady flawless in her English a Christian, and a lady full of fun and life. A Christian, she never spoke of Jesus or bible. But, I loved her. We bonded really well. She knew inside out of me.
In the next one month, my influence in the company, had my other friend also a job. A role of “product trainer”. But it jolted me, when he started talking about other women employees in the organization and how he was attracted to them. Only my “Nobel” friend knew that I had developed a soft corner for my friend. But we three bonded like a family. Close. And a beautiful, truthful friendship was about to uncover. Let me remind you, my only “guy” friend had been there. Without getting physical, without intentions in his eyes, he was pure. And I prayed for him, for I liked him.
“Nobel” read my heart. She asked me one day, “Do you know, he is a GAY?’ it was a thunder and lightning stormy moment. It took me few days. I felt deeply, “sorry” for him. Oh! How difficult it must have been for him to reveal himself to me, for he had always trying to mask his identity. There was a constant battle inside him, to know and understand his own feelings. Would the world accept him, if he would come out in open?”
Ahh… that one hour of serial of transgenders, gays, and lesbian, had brought the whole life in front of my eyes. My friend lost a brother in a tragedy and just after his marriage to a girl of his own religion and accepted and selected by his parents.
And I had him constantly ask me the question, “Why me, girl?”, “Why am I in so much of pain and I seem to never have the strength?” “Why did he take away my brother?” “My mother has lost one of her breasts”, “My father gambles away all his money”, “I am not too happy with my wife either”, “people now say, my wife is an omen. Hence the moment she came in to the family, my brother died”, “Where is GOD?”, “Why me?” I didn’t have answers then.
But after close to five years now, I was sitting here, asking him the same questions. “What do you have to say to my friends?” Gays, transgenders, lesbians, homosexuals. Why have you, Lord, made them the way they are? How can we help them? Can then a man with a man the relationships be approved? If no then where do they go? How can we offer them help? DO THEY HAVE HOPE, was the bottom line.” Asked I.
Couldn’t I now understand that the pain and agony, they might have been through. Oh! My brothers and sisters so lost, yet so true were their souls.
It’s easy to give laws and say this is correct and this is not. But the soul that weeps loud, the tears, the agony, the pain, the out Casted, where do these fit in the law? When every night, tears tear away the soul and soak the pillow in tears in dark, which law
will this world fit those into the bible, the old testament, the Christian life, the true Christian, the religions, the preachers who stand and throw law after law, do they even understand truly what we go through ?
The people of this world are always ready to pelt stones, accusers, the people who treat us to be misfit in this society, the people who judge us by their laws, isn’t it only the Lord GOD Almighty who weeps along with out tears?
Does not the GOD then accept them, for we come from him, his Kingdom? Why then though GOD accept us in his Kingdom, the Lord GOD out casts us in the world he sends us into? When I want to look around for a right and wrong, I find everybody to be mocking at messing up my life, but nobody to tell me how to help me find a way so that I can get out of my deep depression.
You know, GOD is beautiful. He cries his heart out, waiting and wailing, for his son to just call him out his name and he would crave for your love. But when we are in this world, torn away between sin and good, we do not allow him to work through us. Even before we can find him, we would have found our own ways, succumbing to the power of Satan. It is so easy to sin friends. But it is so difficult to live life right.
If only, we just run to our father and give him sometime to heal us and stitch our wounds and heal the scar and wait for the new seed to work in us. He told me “Will not the father want to embrace and hug and tell his child, that it is okay. And I will take care of everything. I will order my apostles and immediately robe you in righteousness, give you a new spirit of love and joy, blessings and wealth, a new life of hope and fulfillment? When there is absolute silence, when you don’t call on me, wouldn’t your father be more worried about the silence, because then for sure, the son is in the crisis?”
“Why then father are we in this situation today, where we don’t understand neither is there anyone to show us what went wrong?” asked I .
My father loves to make a point, using loads of facts, dates and then offering the explanation and finally the solutions. I now want my friends to bear with me, because, I will be showcasing where the world went wrong with his laws.
Take a deep look into one of the continents “United States of America” and its decline and fall of the Christians. Yet again, 2000 years ago, “Christian” meant “Believer of GOD” and no where it reflected the brand of religion of man.
The journey of the relationship between biblical Christian to a broader culture, which exists today. You may then extend the same theology to different fall and rise of nations.
Seven changes è Relationship between the biblical Christian to a broader culture.
1607 -1833: Establishing the biblical Christian.
April 29th, 1607, the cross of the biblical Christian was established. And over the course of time, the government body ruled over the church. The church was not any more a representation of the body of believers of GOD, but now had to pay taxes. I re-iterate. The church (group of followers and believer) of GOD were imposed taxes by the government. The pastors were paid salary and were billed with taxes. Government = Group of people led by Satan cleverly overpowered the church led by GOD. “Money” was tempting even for the church and pastors to deny.
1833 -1918: Pre-dominant force.
During this era, there was an emerging changing world. The people of Satan led and the Men of GOD worked on different platforms at the same pace.
While the Wright brothers invented the aeroplane in 1903, there was also the constant battles happening in the world. And in 1914 the biggest war was called the First World War, fought in Europe. It lasted for four years and more than eight million soldiers died. Also, altered the lives of people were the new technology. By 1900, the first cars were on the roads. More than 15 million Model T fords were made.
1918 -1968 : Sub dominant culture
When the American soldiers came back from Europe, something drastically had changed. Their moral and morale was never the same. As Christians, the music heard in the church sung by the church group too varied from that of the music, anew King emerged. In the 1950’s and 1960’s the Beatles from liver pool became the best known pop group in the world. Also made were the first films in black and white, which had no sound. But this did not stop comedians such as Charlie Chaplin becoming popular with people all over the world. Condemnation of ‘church” was openly now being spoken. And not even the Beatles spared condemning Jesus, though they were blessed by the Almighty himself.
1968 -1988 : Sub Culture
This was the most turbulent period in American Christian period. Because of events like Vietnam War, assassination of Martin King Luther, Kennedy. And during this period,
most “churches” failed miserably to adapt to the new environment. There were multiple culture brewing and a movement of culture conflict. The church slept on the Old Testament while the multiple cultures prospered in the shadow of sinning. The people in that generation found it extremely difficult to adapt and hence were torn away between the sin and the truth.
1988 -1998 : Counter Culture
The time frame was drastically reducing and the span was heading toward the end times. Many church people were persecuted and Satan’s hold got mightier with people being lured into easy money, easy sin life. I remember, one of the high school student walking into the church and posing the question with the rifle at point blank.
“Who believes here in Jesus Christ?” one of the girl said “I”. And she was shot. She was shot for expressing her faith. The church was living in a hostile environment now.
1999 -2008 : Persecuted Church
The church seemed more of apologists surviving under the hostile environment. People of rich, threw people and attacked the church and beat them up. The gay movement in California was filled with a movement against the church. And the hatred and their tone of hatred was bonified. The law was ruled as legitimate which now shook the foundation of the law established by the Lord Almighty established 2000 years ago. During this time of crisis, the first ministry called the Billy Gram Ministry established with a handful of people, on October 5th 1999, were stirred up to engage and transcend(never compromise values) it and maintaining the capacity to engage the values of culture and challenging the legitimacy of the gay movement. 40 million: 42 million and the Californian government ruled the judgement in favour of the church.
2009 – Eternal: Transformational.
The Lord descended on the planet. With a hand of Iron, horses and chariots of fire. He stirred up the Men of GOD. Super Natural where the pastors were able to prophecy, speak and soon the urge to adapt to the change and setting of the foundation of “church” and to transform culture was the objective. They were fasting and praying for 40 days, non stop on the command of GOD. Evangelism, the prayer movement to ‘revolutionize’, ‘revival’, and ‘resonance’ were the steps laid down for the church.
The described events has been highlighted primarily for two reasons.
I. The “behaviour” of the church during crisis.
II. The “suffering” of the community.
I. The “behaviour” of the church during crisis.
As the world around witnessed rapid growth in the technology, art, music, science and literature, there was and equal decline in catching up with the changing world by the church.
The church chose to preach “inside” a secured four walls. And the believers of GOD, constantly were told the do’s and don’ts, the right and the wrong. They prayed in the tongues of “Shandon; Abraca dabra”, when the society around was sending man to moon. Wouldn’t then the believer be torn away in “Who is GOD?” “Church” was limited to the religion “Christianity” while GOD gave bible with the laws, so as to be helping man to love him and not despise him. “Confess” and the rest will be taken care of. “Revolt” and the enemies will be punished. But had we emphasized on the love of our father, the unconditional love, had we observed the changing times and understood how Satan was bruising the men of GOD, creating rift between brother and sister, man and wife, culture and religion, good and evil, then it would not have been so difficult to re-build the world.
Did GOD say, “Slavery was acceptable?” Did GOD say, “Outcast and condemn those who don’t follow my law?” Did GOD say, “Money and church are two different entities?” did GOD say, “speak the word of GOD and you shall be spiritual?”
The church gave away easily into the laxity and the mode of “Exclusion”. Do believers
of GOD, exclude his own creation. Every soul every cell is created by him and belongs to exclude and label and condemn his sons of his own. Shouldn’t the church look deep into the “soul” of a man, than just his actions? “Theirs a decline in the values in the system, we need to condemn such values” were the common thought in the church. But didn’t GOD, give enough authority to the people of church to reach out to our own children and spread the message of love using gospel.
Scriptures after scriptures, even which they wouldn’t understand were a total mismatch spoken in tongues. The believers, the society required a message from GOD, of acceptance and love and not exclusion. Did we, as a “church” even try?
How easily we were engaged in building the ministry, aiming at making wealth? How easily we were sealed in our lips when we had to offer spiritual strength? How easily we disregarded of not turning onto the GOD Almighty but engaged pastors who spoke only their mind but never the word of GOD? How could Shakespearean era be continued when future was heading towards the Benjamin era? Men who preached, no longer followed. And men who didn’t follow, we were easy to close the doors for, consumed we were in our own “judgement” against others.
Does anybody other than the father have the authority to judge his creations? The church went around a spree of “converting” people to the religion of “Christianity”, for only those would then seek salvation, they announced. Did the father ever advice them to do so? Isn’t the gentile, Jew, Islam, Buddhists, Sikhs, and even the atheists his own. Couldn’t we see the love of our father beyond the man’s logic? When man’s logic failed, does not that mean, that GOD’s logic is beyond the understanding of man? How then the “church” with its own loopholes, with its own iniquities, with its own laxity to change flourish? GOD had commanded us to go to Pagan, but never the Pagan to come to us. And the church forgot the primary principle.
There were four major spirits seen in the changing times, which the church failed to observe and catch up with the needs and capitalize the momentum.
I. (A) Peter Spirit:
“THE LORD ALWAYS STANDS BEHIND US – IS THE WAY TO BUILD PETER SPIRIT”
People of such spirits were too whimpish. And primarily were people’s pleaser. On any adversity in life, they were quick to break away from the original essence of their birth right. The older generation, comparatively, stood strong in their faith and their belief in GOD. And even in the times of adversity, they were always delivered. Because of love and prayer.
Church failed to capitalize this spirit.
Why would someone breakaway from the conviction of GOD? It was primarily because, they felt, they earned more respectability of people than believing in GOD.
The Lord GOD Almighty whips the lash. Enough of cheering and clapping in the sermons. True it is needed, but we need to now fasten the belts for, we now are WARRIORS of GOD. And warriors of GOD are not meek and low but powerful and bold. Why should you hesitate to talk about GOD, convince people about his existence, when you are already in his Kingdom? We need to rise up the warriors to battle against sin, in their own soul and the outside world. For the sin is already a defeated foe. Who then do we fear when Abba stands behind us. Here is an illustration of how Abba guards his warriors.
ð Each of the warriors shall have a spirit of the eagle in guarding above him. The eagle soars in storm and loves to eat the serpent.
ð A spirit of lion on his east, to roar and overcome the enemy and eat his flesh.
ð A spirit of ox on his west, to labour like an ox ad also to charge against the enemy with its mighty horns.
ð The face of the man is what the world shall see, for GOD has given the might of wisdom, knowledge and creativity in the mind, heart, body to attack the enemy when he charges.
Pic –guards of the soul
This leaves the back of the man a vulnerable area. Don’t be fooled for Abba stands tall and high and shall always move and burn the enemy and guard you 24/7. And beyond this the warriors are guarded all around with the spirit of the angels and the intercessors who will be prophesying, praying and preaching 24/7.
Is there then an enemy who can even match the POWER and MIGHT of our GOD? How then did we allow our warriors to be whimpish and scared without having the understanding of the layout of the GOD’s strategy. Want the church aware, that even before Satan was created, the names of the children of GOD was written in the scriptures 2000 years ago. Not a “hair” shall fall of my children, declares GOD. How then did we allow the generation to decay?
II. (B) Thomas Spirit:
“I SAT ON THE LAP OF MY FATHER ALWAYS à IS THE WAY TO BUILD THOMAS SPIRIT”
People of such spirits challenged the existence of Lord GOD.
“I want evidence” they asked. And there was nothing wrong with their questioning. Not all the four spirits would be found in a single soul. It was not necessary. With the infusion of multiple cultures, also was the theology of multiple Gods.
In India alone, where the culture has been established even before “Christianity” came into existence, today has more than three lakhs Gods worshipped. Would not then, people from the land of Babylon with loaded baggage of cultural myths and religions myths entitled to challenge?
And in these times, the church should raise up to the calling. Mind you, I repeatedly tell you. I come from a land of idols. And my lore GOD defines very clearly about the definition of “Christian” and “church”. Please do not defile it with the religions of this world.
Christian è believer of GOD.
Church è Group of believers of GOD.
In Hebrew, the same can also mean.
Aastik è believer of GOD.
Satsang è Group of believers of GOD.
“Allah” means one GOD. “Fanah” means to sacrifice the soul in the love of GOD. We all come in different sizes, colours, places, riches, but we all come form the same source of origin. How then can you have multiple entries and doors to his Kingdom?
“I am not a believer of GOD” says man. I chuckle. Dude, how then did you come here? Not a “hair” of strand can man create on his own, not a word can you utter without his will, not a breath more can you take, against his will, isn’t it then our own blindness in turning away from GOD.
The “church” needs to be clear when they handle the Thomas Spirit. We always work toward including and bringing the scattered seeds together. We do not believe in imposing our thoughts on the, but we embrace their questions and beliefs and gear up to help them seek answers and draw them closer to GOD.
There are two different trees. The tree of heaven and the tree of the world. It is essential to understand the our primary motto, is to guard this generation and help them mover towards the Tree of heaven. For, that is where the heart of the Father lies.
Tree of heaven & Tree of world
The same “Oprah” who has been my source of inspiration recently claimed on the website, “Spirituality is just a sense of feeling. And Jesus is not the only door to the Lord GOD.”
It should not be surprising to the church to be facing such statements from various entities across the world for statements like these, indeed come from the tree of this world.
It is important for the church to accept and be prepared to answer questions like these. Firstly, can you see GOD? No, is our answer. Can you see sound? No. Can you see wind? NO.
Can you talk to GOD? Yes. Can you differentiate between self talk and the voice of GOD in your brains. Yes. Are you GOD? No. Can a man become GOD? NO. Is Jesus then GOD? No. look at me, do I appear in anyways to be a GOD? Absolutely NO!
There are three different realms that man needs to understand. The flesh, the spirit and GOD. “GOD” gets connected to the flesh through the sprit. “HOLY GHOST”, you see! ;-)
You can continue to live in the world, like a man, in complete flesh and sure. Absolutely you can. But, you will be missing out on the most important super natural event of your life! Surely the agnostics, the theist can say, “I don’t want to believe in GOD”, but even if there’s 10% of his existence is true, then why would want to miss out on the opportunity in knowing him?
Surely, there exists a lot of lazy Christians in this world, who are occupied by their own doubts and unbelief’s. They don’t want to put their efforts in knowing GOD, for most of them see him as a threat to their LIFESTYLE. The world of man perceives Christians as some boring, “yawn” characters which are absolutely untrue.
Little does the world of man realize that Christians are not a bunch of weak, wimpy souls, but we are more than the world of today. We are CONQUERORS. We follow the simple basic things and no matter what problems or worries, we may have, we still live in rest of
Sabbath. It’s most importantly because, when you build the faith, and you understand that GOD is in control of your life and that we are PARTNERS with GOD, we develop faith and trust in him.
Though Satan may pound the head with thoughts, if you understand that its only mind which is a battle field and that faith and trust in GOD is much more deeper in your heart, will you enter the “zone” of super natural.
The over burdened, wearied, worried souls, can find rest in his faith. That doesn’t mean that we don’t rest from work. But rather it means, “YOU DO THE BEST AND GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF THE REST”.
There’s always everyday stuff that brings worries, confusion, pain, anxiety, fear, loss from the tree of this world. But when you seek shelter in the tree of heaven knowing that GOD is in control, Christians really don’t care about all these. Worry never brings any answer; it will always prevent you from finding an answer.
When emotions cloud, on hearing a bad news, the first thing that comes out of your mouth often sets the tone for the next set of events which follow. And if I discipline myself in the word of GOD, declaring “I am not going to get upset, I don’t know how GOD will fix it, I don’t when GOD will fix it, but I really don’t care, for GOD will take care of it”, only then you can enter the zone of Rest. Remember in every situation, defeat the doubt. Remember other victories in the past. Never give up. And please stop whining about always talking about your problems for then you will simply not be allowing GOD to work in your life. You need to become the PRISONERS OF HOPE. Give praise and glory to GOD, for he will take care of the rest.
Haven’t you read in scriptures,
“Cast all your anxiety on him because HE CARES FOR YOU”
If you haven’t then better do, for, nothing can come close to the HOLY OOMPH! ;-)
III. Paul’s Spirit:
“I WALK ALONG WITH MY FRIEND ALWAYS à IS THE WAY TO BUILD PAUL’S SPIRIT.’
(Please count Jesus also, for he is very Ordinary!)
(As scared and as worried like my friends!)
Paul had a missionary spirit. And when people of this world come to Christ, there will be a lot of pre-conceived notion which they will carry.
People of Paul’s spirit questions the divinity of GOD. And when they are handled wisely by the church, they are the group who will be much more motivated to work for the glory of the GOD. And Lord GOD says, win them over ad the productivity of the world will be much more higher.
I saw this picture today. Megan Fox is one of the prettiest girl. Just like all others. And she is indeed a representative of Yourselves entirely to GOD. I think you may had missed my point. I said, just come the way you are!
No nonsense, no spiritual crap. Just be confident to stand before him and GOD is completely satisfied with the way you are. The church doesn’t care about your past, your present but definitely your future. For, you are precious to GOD.
Many a times, youth crumble under the legalistic pressure of devotion and prayer. Ahh…. I wish, this were to be true. Wouldn’t have I received salvation, when I started offering and prayers and rituals in the Old testament then, don’t get worked up, for I know all of that.
You desire to know him in your heart is all that matters. GOD is for every liar and for every “crazy and cool generation” as we are called by people of this world. Don’t miss my point. Don’t be scared away of not meeting your parent’s expectations the society’s pressure and the ability to match the leadership qualities.
“Is he pleased with me?” you asked. He says, “Father is very please with you, because YOU are HIS child. HE loves you, because YOU are HIS. HE is the one who made you.”
Very often, I noticed that it was the fear of exposing my weakness that scared me, in reaching out to GOD. And more often we try to get rid of our weakness and the more harder we try, we succumb to pressure. And the stress of matching the word of GOD drifts us away from GOD resulting in the decaying.
You need to have weakness in you. For GOD will work through exposing your weakness. And only then will he release you from this pressure. He knows your heart to earnestly desire for a fellowship. And every purpose of the calling of life shall be given onto you. WALK WITH HIM, like a hand in glove. Nobody in between. And you will never be the same again.
Have the ability to face your weakness head on. Laugh at yourself and he shall touch your heart, every time you whisper his name. He will be with you together.
No one blames you. Don’t be so hard on yourself my youth. Don’t worry and just get back to father, because, he is waiting for his child to miss him and call him for HE LOVES YOU.
“We’ll be together and it won’t be long. BABY, he misses you. Aren’t you? Show him your love and receive the GOSPEL into your heart. Don’t worry about the umpteen tensions that might challenge you for, he will clear the path for you.” Make Lord GOD your strength.
I take caution to also let you know the rising of the antichrist at the same time while the youth will be bombarded between the two worlds. And the church needs to be careful of the false pastors, prophets, teachings which will be on rise. But, FEAR not says the Lord GOD.
We are completely equipped with weapons for the WAR.
What is the nature of war?
Kindly understand, the war we wage is witnessed in two folds. We will all be walking in flesh and is visible. Also, we will be walking in the spirit and is invisible; victory is ONLY for the people to whom Jesus is Lord, for there is not entrance to the Kingdom of heaven. Do we then “convert” people into a “religion” called “Christianity” ? My fellow soldiers, our war is not with the label of religions. For, very soon, there shall be the Kingdom of GOD established and only the believers of GOD will be left on the Garden of Eden and everything else wiped out.
This Kingdom will rightfully be established by Abba himself.
Even before Satan was created, the names of the souls, his children was already written in the book of the living GOD. Hence, do not allow fear to cripple your soul. You are empowered with the Holy Spirit, which will give you the directions to beat the Satan every time you pause to seek help from Abba.
I write this with deep love for every human soul that my Abba has sent from his Kingdom. My dear people, its not about which religion, creed , caste, economy, country that you belong to but its about coming together as ONE, the humanity together.
Yes, I do know and an aware, that my own life might be at risk because of the message that I bring forth from Abba, the heaven to this earth. But, for a person a soul, who has been raised form dead, not once but twice do you really think, I fear the people on this planet?
People, will revolt. For, truth is plain and simple. And oceans of them will find my message threatening. But why?
Think about it carefully. Have I ever urged to take weapons and fight against my father’s children? Have I ever urged anybody to force people to “convert” or “change” their brand of religion that they live in? Have I ever advised to break the idols, indulging riots in the society? Have I ever instigated a WAR, against my own people?
Absolutely not! Then why will there be riots and protests all over, when we preach gospel? It’s merely because “SATAN” is our enemy. And we can NEVER shake hands with the Satan. “Satan” had blinded the HUMAN essence and preaching gospel. Teaching the word is “THE WAY” to build the Kingdom of GOD. Don’t we all agree, that in times like these when Satan breaks and uses opportunity to trick my brothers and sisters into his world of darkness, HUMAN, Homo sapiens need to come together, to fight together, to revolutionize the world and take this revolution forward than looking at what occurred in the past?
Don’t we all want to “LIVE” life happily? Don’t we all deserve to know, where we come from? Don’t we all deserve to know, who our father is? Don’t we all deserve a better planet to live in? Don’t we all owe accountability to our future generations? Don’t we all have the responsibility for shaping the lives of our children? Don’t we all deserve to find what our destiny is? Don’t we all deserve to put behind our past and move forward to unlock the super natural?
Can’t we come together as HOMO SAPIEN? Can’t we raise our voice of love and peace? Can’t we take the HOLY words across to all our brothers? Can’t we shed our selfishness and racism and look at the bigger picture of life? Can’t we get beyond MONEY and WEALTH and create a spiritual revelation? Can’t we commit our father to respect him? Can’t we look beyond Jesus? Can’t we support each aching heart and reach out to them? Can’t we be passionate about leading a good, meaningful life? Can’t we get beyond religion and travel the journey of finding who GOD really is? Can’t we question the umpteen religious rituals? Can’t we simply love each other? How can WE NOT?
Look around what examples are being set by leader and powerful ministers today. “Galileo” the man, who spoke TRUTH, was humiliated by the church. Why? Because he offended our so called “Principles” and theories? I ask you, is this judgement? We accept “Charles Darwin” theory of evolution of man from Ape. And dis-regard the thousands of theories which prove against this. Why? Because we “want” to believe and teach our children too, that man came form Ape?
The president of a country is caught in a sexual immorality act. People cheating on their wives, their loved ones. And we find our children caught amidst the confusion of what is right and wrong. A community gradually looses its conscience. And I am definitely not surprised that, there are only 10% of the next generations, who believe in GOD now.
Emotional distance between MAN and GOD is prominent. And please, do not equate blabbering of prayers, kneeling according to the time, showering money on GOD, people screaming the name of GOD, business making in the name of GOD, strict rules imposed on people, Immoral acts taking the mere name of “In the name of Jesus” and closed to getting connected with GOD. For these are yet again the strategies and the plan carefully implanted by Satan, and man in all his foolishness, follows them.
I was sent here on a mission and come what may I shall complete the mission. Preaching the Gospel, as far as the horizon of this project.
If my chosen brothers are unworthy of receiving GOD’s love, because of their hatred towards me, then I rather take the word of GOD, to the fowl, the fishes, the wind, the seed, so that they are blessed and saved from the coming wrath of the Lord GOD.
Hear me Oh! Brothers, for my heart is pure. I seek no wealth. I seek no riches. I seek no harm but I bring the message of my father Abba. How the can you foul mouth this lamb, this warrior of GOD? Is it no the Satan, who then speaks against GOD?
And mind you, “Transformation” is the immediate need, required at this hour. A message of HOPE, I bring for the world in need. Setting the stage, for the next events is my primary goal. Creating a brand wagon of trust worthy people, who are led by the word of GOD, is the primary objective.
The NEED is great and TIME is short. You have a choice. YOU can be a part of a miracle or be swept away in the perfect storm that my father has laid for the unbelievers.
Remember, none of the believer of GOD are going to lift a weapon of IRON, neither will they keep their tongue unclean. WE DO NOT fight the war with these weapons but rather fight the war by teaching and living “LIFE” right.
It is the war against flesh and spirit. Hence, do not utter a single word against your brothers when they roar for our father promises to FUROAR!
None of these men can even create a molecule of IRON. Did you even know that it requires the entire energy of the solar system, to just create an atom of IRON. The element that is found on the earth. HE IS OUR LORD, HE IS THE ONE who saves the believers with a mighty hand of Iron and will break the bone of the oppressors.
Trust me; leave the “UGLY” job of punishing people, oppressors, and religious cults on protests to HIM. He will handle the anti Christ, while you press on. You are born to be faithful. And we will continue to praise our Lord GOD with all our MIGHTY!
That’s the power of PAUL the spirit. For every question raised, show them their own scriptures, and if they believe in their scriptures, they will find the answers. For every “scientist” who scoffs at the Lord, ask him about the puzzle of LIFE and his mouth shall be shut. Remember, YOU HAVE ANSWERS, if you SEEK.
My father Abba commands me to name the religion, he wants to shape. “THE WAY” is its name. And ensuring every soul to meet “THE WAY” for all the believers of GOD. ONE WORLD, ONE ORDER is the objective.
I quote Acts-19 carefully before I unveil the strategies of the Spiritual War.
COMMERCIALIZED RELIGIONS à Acts : 19
Ephesus was devoted to idolatry and to profit, and Paul’s message threatened both. The citizens took great pride in their temple, one of the seven wonders of the ancient world and were outraged at anyone who might interfere with their profitable businesses dependent on religions pilgrims. The story presents a clear case of mob psychology. Paul started a riot, but he also founded one of his strongest churches, a community that later inspired the book of Ephesians.
PAUL UNDER ATTACT à Acts 23:6
Under pressure, Paul proved to be a formidable opponent. In this scene, he spoke back to a priest who struck him in the mouth. Using great skill, Paul divided his accusers by exploiting the difference between two Jewish sects, the Pharisees and Sadducees.
The religions group called Pharisees opposed Jesus most strenuously while he was on earth. But reports of his resurrection from the dead especially alarmed the Sadducees, a party of priest who denied there would ever be a resurrection from the dead.
Paul managed to arouse such intense opposition that a group of 40 conspirators vowed not to eat or drink until they had killed him.
My Lord GOD Almighty had devised a strategy and a plan, which no man could go against.
He came onto me. Had me enact the life, which was already penned by him 2000 years ago. He made me commit all the sin which man of this world had. And he carefully crafted me following and worshipping GOD. He sent his beloved to the earth. Alarm and eve, were created in the spiritual realm. But Adam would not obey, and hence, Eve was trained and made to carry out the Old Testament and the New Testament. Then the coming of the second Christ in the New Testament. And Abba will USE me and his children to reach out to the world. The Satan was beaten more than 15,000 times in the battle. The King dom was conquered. And the end time prophecy comes true. He wrote a book. And called it as Bible. He wrote the beginning and the end. And everything he wrote, he executed. Who are then, you and I, in front of the mighty Lord.
When this testimony reaches out to the nations and provinces of Asia, Europe, Africa and America, the world will be on the verge of destruction. Not a single finger will raise against his children, for every finger of the people of the world against Abba, will meet destruction.
“Enough of tears my children have wept. The people of Satan shall go to dust and my children shall prosper, forever and ever.” This is the command of YOUR FATHER. “Fall onto your knees and seek me with repentance. For even in the last hour of destruction, if you repent by faith, you shall be saved”.
Not everyone who calls “Lord, Lord” are saved, for it the heart is not pure, how can the lips be? Not everyone who merely follows rituals are saved, for I seek worship form your heart and not your display n public. Not everyone who rules over the people are saved, for every spirit is his own ruler. Not everyone who seeks him in any form of idols of representation or pictures or altars are saved, for can you create idols for sky, wind, rain, spirituality? Not everyone who oppress WOMAN are save; for a MAN and a WOMAN are GOD’s own
Image and nay humiliation will not be spared. Not everyone who embrace vulgarity, obscenity, sinners, murderers, money lenders, treacherous, gamblers, drunkards, rapists, thieves of souls, witch crafts practitioners, hack magicians, idolaters, child molesters, corrupt officials, the list are many, and you will know the Lord GOD, when bodies of them will fly dead all around you are saved. Anybody who curses my name or my followers or my believers or my children shall and will be lifted off from the earth.
And every soul that does not obey to worship me and accept me as HIS FATHER, shall be subjected to wrath of my FURY.
“I ask you, can you even create the blood that flows in you? I elevate science to stem cells, organ transplantation, but the blood that flows in you, shall always belong to me. For I am jealous GOD. I love my children. And every soul that comes back to me, I will embrace and robe them with righteousness and justice, and shall give you a place in Heaven.
I discipline my children to teach them, my ways. I empower them with knowledge and wisdom to seek me. And I shower them ability to prophecy, create/invent, preach, visions teach and take my word to the world for, I love my children and I OWN them. Why do you then rebuke me to ANGER” speaks the Lord GOD.
Paul is a mere spirit. What war will you wage against him? “Jesus” is the spirit in every breath you take. How many analysis and reports and theories will you generate, to argue? Every spirit lived in me. Paul, Ezekiel, Jeremiah, Daniel, Jacob, Israel, Judah, Isaiah, Esther, Jab, Ruth, Nehemiah, Hosea and the final rest of JESUS inside ME. And every spirit has spoken in the book of the living lamb. Who then are you going to deny?
My father wrote a beautiful magnificent story. About YOU and ME. He came in the night, when the world was sleeping, carefully crafted his world I the word, and left the message for those who wanted Miracles for his existence.
Look up the sky. HE OWNS IT. Stand on the land. HE OWNS IT. Breathe in the AIR. HE OWNS IT. Close your eyes. HE OWNS IT. Dive into the water. HE OWNS IT. Go beyond the space. HE OWNS IT. He owns inside YOU and outside YOU. Principalities, he has chalked out for HUMAN to follow, rules, he has chalked our for HUMAN to obey, Ruler he will make you of your own entity. Demon shall possess the body of unbelievers, but SOUL is always the Father’s. Cast out evil from your body, by taking MY NAME. And Jesus is the only way to my KINGDOM.
For Jesus bore the son of the world, even when his own sins were already repented for. He had the soul to take the burden and walk the extra two miles, to bring salvation to this world. He sought me earnestly in his sufferings, joy, dreams and tears. He sought me, even when he was crucified on the cross. He begged for compassion and mercy. Even for his enemies, who stoned him. And had it not been for my beloved, I would have consumed the planet in my fury.
“Teach my ways to every child from the moment he is born. Live under my love and walk under my fear, for the destiny I have for you, will rejoice your soul, and the generations to come. There will be a perfect storm set by me and the fury shall be witnessed by all the men. But, my children fear not for you shall be sheltered under my shadow” says Lord GOD.
Many shall come, claiming to know ME. Many shall come, prophesizing the lie. Many shall come claiming to give the HOLY SPIRIT. But don’t be fooled my dear children. Only “I” decide to give the spirit, when the timing is right, you seek me in your heart and I will know. Do things in silence and I will know. Talk to me and I will respond. Seek me and I will come. There is no mediator. All the three, the father, Jesus – the Holy Ghost, YOUR Holy Spirit shall be in the same body.
“Jesus” is also the son of GOD. And “Jesus” is also the Holy Spirit. Don’t be then deceived by any if they try to manifest the truth.
You seek the father first. And your spirit shall know the father. But the super natural doors shall open only when the spirit arrives. HE will make “THE WAY” to unlock your destiny. Only the father owns the authority over the Time and the Judgment to give you the Holy Spirit. Hence, be warned. Don’t go from place to place, person to person, hopping and pleading to seek me, or the Holy Spirit.
I know your desire. I know your calling. I know your heart. And I know when the time, I have planned to bring you to my door.
Fast and pray to not display, but in silence. And I will know. Worship and rejoice everyday, and I will know. Continue to walk on my principle and I will reward you. Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you will be rewarded. Let charity and brotherhood prosper. Let love and admiration grow. And I promise to bless you with food, water and Jehovah for I, the father promises you.
You are not weak. And you will be tested at every walk of your life, and at every stumbling block, grow and GROW, from a child to a MAN, the warrior of GOD. Do not blend. For you cannot blend in the culture around. You are BORN to be different in the name of Lord GOD.
WHAT IS THE TEST?
The test is divided into various realms, depending on the levels of the spirituality
1. Ground Level
2. Cult Level
3. Strategically level
1. Ground Level: Mustard seed of faith will move Mountain
The war of spirituality at the ground level is conformed to “YOU” as an individual. I would call this as the most important level because it forms the foundation of the soldier of GOD.
Beginning is the key. The first step is to repent and confession. The war is invisible. It is a battle of principalities and ethics. And the primary objective is to ultimately bring out the image of GOD. The soul when you begin has the forces of Satanic as well as the good. (Mind you, it’s good and not Godly!) For every right thing that you follow, you will be encountered with a counter battle from Satan. Your mind is a battle field. For every Belief is GOD, you will be tempted to quit by Satan. The ground level is all about self analysis. Your own life will revealed to you, like the layers of the onion. At every unveiling, you crumble in shame, in pain, in confession, in repentance. You will be shown the way you are. Standing in front of the spiritual mirror requires determination and courage, to look at your soul.
The soul will be stripped naked. Your troubles and your weakness will be shown in plain truth and in the most simplistic form. And at every step, Satan is threatened. For every step toward the father, his Kingdom shakes and Satan worries. He will induce fear, guilt, emotions and discourages you with constant afflictions.
Remember, one of the primary objective is you dig out everything that Satan had implanted in your soul. The father aims to prepare your soul a good ground for his seed to be sown. Whenever you feel that, you are torn away in your thoughts, things around you suddenly seem to not be going the way it is supposed to be, something in you just doesn’t seem right, then action is required. Speak out loud. Say loud “Leave me you Satan for; I have made the decision to continue to walk in the name of my Father”. The next best step is to pray to GOD ALWAYS GET YOUR FOCUS back to GOD. ALWAYS. You may fret, cry, rattle, abuse, fight, whine, even curse your father, but remember, your father will and is always listening. And he will show you and guide you according to his plan, he has for you.
Decide to obey your father. And stick on to the decision of obeying him, no matter how lonely and foolish you may look. For the demons will flee, when you grow mightiest in your faith.
Once, you are reflecting into your own life, in the physical world, you will witness people not agreeing, not walking , not understanding the way you feel. It’s a walk you need to walk holding the hand of the father along the shore.
Deliverance will come. And your father will ensure it comes. For your first step is all he wants. He takes care of the rest. Be open to the feedback. Learn and move on. Mistakes are bound to happened, and you will fall flat on your face. Many times. But be happy that as long as you keep trying and not quit, you are a proud warrior in the race. It’s not how fast you run, it’s how quick you stand up and begin to run the race after every learning.
Your father is extremely merciful and compassionate. And he keeps talking to you in your heart and mind all the while of your journey. You are the blessed soul. And that’s your identification. You will be a born again child of GOD. And over a period of time, it doesn’t make a difference who your parents are. But understand that GOD will be your father. And respect your identity, your soul and your courage to stand tall and mighty under the shadow of your father.
You will be given challenges to test your faith. Every thought, that creates conflicts in you, test the thought. Analyse the thought. And go over it, till you come to the truth.
Example: My parents have always been abusive. And I never had a great childhood. Now, I am a warrior of GOD. I have courage in my soul now. My parents yet again today challenged me and I gave them a piece of my mind.
Do you win the test?
NO! GOD’s principle clearly states, no matter what, respect your parents. Keep your tongue clean. You see you will have training and tests on a simultaneous level. Hence, reading bible every single day, keeps you connected to GOD. Faith is not developed by merely attending the Sunday Church, but you need to learn and chew every single day, his word. Truth, Righteousness, Integrity, Passion, Love, faith, Respect, courage, humility, discipline, active life, prayer, worship, merry, joy, fun are all the key traits.
Enjoy the journey. For when you enter his Kingdom as a child, you will find him to be the best mentor the best friend, the beloved, the father, the naughty guy who will reward you at every single step.
He is simply awesome. For every tiny faithful step, he rewards you. Expect loads of “Boo” Surprises, for, he loves to take you over by surprise.
You will never be the same. For you will start doing things differently under his guidance and you will soon start noticing the change in the results.
He will put the word in the heart and cling onto the word. For he will take you deep and the result is a BEAUTIFUL MIND.
I remember bring so much in love with him, when I hardly had known him. He spoke to me through miracles, signs, wonders, songs, day and night, in my sleep, in my kitchen, and lo! I couldn’t even escape him from the potty! The devil cannot touch you, for GOD will demolish the old flesh, re-create the new one and pours his spirit onto you.
Remember: YOU CANNOT HIDE FROM GOD ;-)
NEVER EVER GIVE UP! For everything that happens, there is a purpose of GOD for you!!!
2. CULT LEVEL:
Impossible to lie low for a believer
Nothing’s gonna change my love for you
You ought by now, how much I love you
So, the one that changed my whole life
Nothing’s gonna change my love for you….
If the road ahead is not so easy
Our love will lead the way of us
Like a guiding star…
I’ll be there for you, if you should need me
You don’t have your way
I love you just the way you are
So, come with me and share the dream
They take us where we want to go…
HOLD ME NOW
TOUCH ME NOW
I don’t want to (leave, live) without you…
Nothing’s gonna change my love for you
You ought to know by now, how much I love you
The war of the spirituality at the cult level is exciting because with “GOD” inside you will not be inside you hidden anymore. You will not thrown into the world around you and every single individual, whom you know and have